CPA Bum

I was trying to look for a beautiful shot I took to use as my cover photo on facebook when suddenly I felt nostalgic about a lot of things.

I saw pictures from my Oath Taking as a CPA in 2009 (how I felt so proud of myself for nailing the national board exam), from after a year of working (the feeling of earning, being able to buy stuff for myself and having the capacity to give something for my loved ones), from previous summer outings (my tanned skin), gym workouts (the sweat oh so fulfilling), out of town getaways (my own share in traveling), hiking experiences (proving I can hike and I’m fit), and a lot of different adventures I had in the past years.

I miss having time. I miss being young. I miss being carefree.

Once I was in an interview and genuinely shared how I love challenges and how I crave for it. (It’s true, that’s really how I feel.) The fulfillment of overcoming one is really indescribable. It makes me feel useful and important. It increases my market value, if I may add. But then, the in between of wanting a challenge and overcoming one is unbelievably difficult. (I know, it’s understandable. It should really be difficult. You increase your value upon experiencing first the hardship. Yes, acceptable rationale. But still, difficult.) It’s not something unimaginable, really. However, the process of precisely dealing with it is anything but easy. Because at that exact moment when you’re faced with a challenge, you tend to lose yourself. I do. I can’t think the way my normal self will. There are a lot of things to consider, things that change the flow of the situation, things that can screw your mind.

That’s what’s happening. That’s what I’m sort of going through. I’m in the process of applying my “if-i-were-in-that-situation-this-i-would-do” and “this-is-how-it-should-be-done-you-dumb*ss” solutions. I’m telling you, it’s hard. But I’m good, I’m okay. I can still sort things out…

Now though, as I think of those sweet escapades and memories I used to be into, it makes me want to have them again, to make new memories and try new adventures again, to relive those moments. Hence, I come to terms with myself as I sense the urge to spend my time wisely. Because honestly, that’s the only thing I can control. My time. MY time. Truth is, ang tunay kong kalaban ay ang sarili ko. But how can I fight against myself? It’s MY SELF. I don’t want to break my heart out of doing something against my will or something I’m not happy to do. I always please myself. Of course, why would I go against myself?

Then it all boils down to one answer: because it’s for the betterment and future of… MYSELF. If I sacrifice a little, I may get huge favor in return, which is also for myself.

So the master plan: to work in full mode on my 8-hour job. Pero that’s what I’m exactly doing, eh? Ugh. Anyway, basta focus on the master plan. Always keep in mind the benefits. The future: reaping the harvest of lack of time being put to waste, i.e. more free time to chill and do just whatever, be carefree and be experienced in a lot of things. Ahhh. The future is very attractive!

So I guess, we’re settled.

For now.

Good night! Xoxo.

While I still have 25 kilometers (what a coincidence) ahead of me before reaching home, my BlackBerry is charged, I’m on BBMAX, plus consider the heavy traffic anticipation, I’m going to maximize my time by posting a gratitude entry.

I turned 25 years old for about a week and a day ago. It didn’t turn out as I would want to, like maybe all fireworks and meeting Damon Salvatore but it was still something worth remembering. I conditioned my heart and mind to be positive and worry-free. Fortunately, I succeed in spending wisely (mentally, physically, spiritually, socially, professionally) my only SILVER day in life.

With all that being said, let me say at least 25 thank-yous.

1. For everyone who greeted me on facebook,. I know it was posted but still, the effort and time typing (or for some, copy-pasting) the words mean so much already,

2. Tweeted me,

3. Commented on my instagram photos,

4. Sent me an SMS,

5. Called me the moment they remembered or when someone informed them or when they learned about it,

6. BBM-ed me,

7. Emailed me,

8. Greeted me in private,

9. Greeted me in public,

10. Bought me cakes,

11. Sang over the phone,

12. Sang in person,

13. Gave me a card,

14. Left me gift certificates,

15. Greeted me many times,

16. Those who are not on facebook, or I’m not friends with on social networks but still knew my birthday,

17. Wished me love life,

18. Wished me good health,

19. Wished me happiness,

20. Waited and spent the night with me with a drink or two,

21. Waited for me in the wee hours and still gave me a bottle to drink,

22. For those who waited and fell asleep,

23. Who gave me presents,

24. Those who forgot and still greeted me,

25. And last but never the least, thank You Lord for giving me my 25th year of existence. I am still not an expert in life, though. But I guess, nobody is yet.

It’s been a tough road and I know it’s not yet over. I wish to survive however.

PS: I’m home. So much better travel time than last night. Happy weekends!

This is not to say that I have the best set of friends. Okay no, scratch that.

I think I have the best diversified set of friends.

I’m not enumerating all here but I want to mention a few who recently made an impact.

My highs school BFFs, who never fail to divert my worries even in a short time just by talking about whatever in our BBM group. Haha.

B, for always being able to understand and for giving me advices that I would have given myself too (in my calm and sober state).

My IA family, always the better people, the matured ones to whom I can tell anything and everything without being judged.

Thank you for helping me get through whatever it is I’m going through.

Xoxo

With whatever’s happening to me right now, I wish I get over it soon.

I’m definitely not the same person as yesterday but I’m having difficulty in identifying the change itself.

I’ve tried to get out of this but I guess it’s not yet the right time. I feel blessed that God always has His way of responding to my worries. And I’m thankful to have the ability to realize His answers.

Right now, though, every day in the morning and before I go to sleep, I have this fear. It’s absolutely nothing new. I’ve felt this before. That is, the fear of failing. I used to be so afraid of failing other people and myself. I couldn’t even give a thought about what would happen had I failed. That was why I would do my best and never think about the worst scenario. Or the thing I didn’t want to happen. In fact, I believe in “thinking” whatever it is that you want for it to materialize.

But how come I’m having a hard time to do it now? To believe that things will be alright? That I’ll get through whatever it is that I’m dealing with? I figured, this fear is just within the same category of what I used to feel, this time though, I’m on a higher level.

Well, that didn’t totally make me feel at ease or relax. But then, it gave me an assurance that things will definitely get better. I’ll overcome whatever this is and, in the end, it would all be worth it.

My problems when I was in college were hard to deal with during then. I wouldn’t know how to handle them. But I was able to keep up and to surpass. This should not be any different. It may seem difficult to overcome but, as long as there is tomorrow, there’s absolutely no reason to be hopeless.

Good night, xoxo.

It was not your top priority firm to work at. Heck, it wasn’t even on your list when you were job hunting. Even worse, you didn’t know about it when you were studying. You might have heard it once or twice but it didn’t make an impact in your memory. Still, you pursued it anyway. Apparently, the firm you were prioritizing didn’t prioritize you in hiring.

Aside from it being not your first choice, the department you got into was as much of a setback. But seriously? Who thinks landing a job is a form of failure? Through faith and optimism, you threw all your worries and frustrations to trash and made the most out of everything. You acknowledged and widely stretched your patience in every challenge you met along the journey. You were never satisfied but you were happy, secured, and positive. Why? Simple! Because you know you were still on the right track despite all dissatisfaction. You learned things from experienced professionals that you wouldn’t from a fellow rookie. You witnessed actual people genuinely expanding their patience in understanding the inherent differences in human race.

Two years have passed. You have met people you never knew you would. Some of those people have already left. Some remained but for a certain period only.

Even if you still don’t feel that your full potential has come out and put into good use, you’re still there… waking up and doing your job because, apparently, there’s no other way around… just yet. Sometimes your values are put at stake in situations you would have known how to react to had you not been the person that’s actually into the situation. Sometimes your character is compromised due to seen but unwanted events.

But in spite of all these, I’m 100% definitely sure that… THE BEST IS YET TO COME. :)

Happy 2nd Anniversary! <3

P.S. That’s “2nd (year) in 1st (job).”

I MISS MY FRIENDS.