CPA Bum

I was trying to look for a beautiful shot I took to use as my cover photo on facebook when suddenly I felt nostalgic about a lot of things.

I saw pictures from my Oath Taking as a CPA in 2009 (how I felt so proud of myself for nailing the national board exam), from after a year of working (the feeling of earning, being able to buy stuff for myself and having the capacity to give something for my loved ones), from previous summer outings (my tanned skin), gym workouts (the sweat oh so fulfilling), out of town getaways (my own share in traveling), hiking experiences (proving I can hike and I’m fit), and a lot of different adventures I had in the past years.

I miss having time. I miss being young. I miss being carefree.

Once I was in an interview and genuinely shared how I love challenges and how I crave for it. (It’s true, that’s really how I feel.) The fulfillment of overcoming one is really indescribable. It makes me feel useful and important. It increases my market value, if I may add. But then, the in between of wanting a challenge and overcoming one is unbelievably difficult. (I know, it’s understandable. It should really be difficult. You increase your value upon experiencing first the hardship. Yes, acceptable rationale. But still, difficult.) It’s not something unimaginable, really. However, the process of precisely dealing with it is anything but easy. Because at that exact moment when you’re faced with a challenge, you tend to lose yourself. I do. I can’t think the way my normal self will. There are a lot of things to consider, things that change the flow of the situation, things that can screw your mind.

That’s what’s happening. That’s what I’m sort of going through. I’m in the process of applying my “if-i-were-in-that-situation-this-i-would-do” and “this-is-how-it-should-be-done-you-dumb*ss” solutions. I’m telling you, it’s hard. But I’m good, I’m okay. I can still sort things out…

Now though, as I think of those sweet escapades and memories I used to be into, it makes me want to have them again, to make new memories and try new adventures again, to relive those moments. Hence, I come to terms with myself as I sense the urge to spend my time wisely. Because honestly, that’s the only thing I can control. My time. MY time. Truth is, ang tunay kong kalaban ay ang sarili ko. But how can I fight against myself? It’s MY SELF. I don’t want to break my heart out of doing something against my will or something I’m not happy to do. I always please myself. Of course, why would I go against myself?

Then it all boils down to one answer: because it’s for the betterment and future of… MYSELF. If I sacrifice a little, I may get huge favor in return, which is also for myself.

So the master plan: to work in full mode on my 8-hour job. Pero that’s what I’m exactly doing, eh? Ugh. Anyway, basta focus on the master plan. Always keep in mind the benefits. The future: reaping the harvest of lack of time being put to waste, i.e. more free time to chill and do just whatever, be carefree and be experienced in a lot of things. Ahhh. The future is very attractive!

So I guess, we’re settled.

For now.

Good night! Xoxo.

Don’t judge.

It’s always on my mind to control “it.” But I can’t. However, I recently saw a poster that happened to inspire me to do “it.” So I guess I’m heading to right track. Guess I already got past the in-denial stage and is now moving on to a brighter and better future.

Wow. What am I talking about? Haha! So random.

Anyway, I’ll share when I get the result that I want. For the meantime, you’re free to help by praying for me to have enough discipline, determination, and courage to go for “it.” It’ll be much appreciated.

Thanks. :)